FIRST BLOOD TO MALLORCA

In a week where a friend of mine, whilst on holiday in Ireland, needed a gas canister for his caravan so he approached a local in the street and asked, "Excuse me, do you know if there is a B&Q in Dublin?" "No," replied the local, "but there's two ee's in Leeds," Real Mallorca won the first leg of the Spanish Super Cup 2-1. Over 11,000 fans watched the game in the crowd restricted Luis Sitjar, on a hot, clammy, sweaty evening.

The first half was desperate with Mallorca striving to get it all together and it was no surprise when Manacor born Miguel Angel Nadal laid the ball back for "Xavi" to blast home with Mallorca's defence dithering. 0-1 at half-time. The Palma side must have been on Viagra tablets at half-time because after the interval they played like men possessed with veteran full back Miguel Soler and crowd favourite Jovan Stankovic turning on the style. One thing about playing the "mighty Barca" if a team puts them under pressure for long periods cracks begin to appear in their defence. As Corporal Jones used to say in "Dad's Army", "They don't like it up 'em!" A great run and cross by Cameroon full back Lauren Saur Doni equalised mid-way through the second-half. Then 10 minutes from the end a deflected free-kick by man of the match Stankovic saw the winning (and justified) goal. The second leg of this game will be played tonight (Saturday 22nd) at the Nou Camp the match which starts at 9.45 will be on TV1 and TV3. 

Big signing news for Real Mallorca this week is the return of diminutive striker Carlos Dominguez from Seville. Carlos scored the goal that gained Mallorca promotion two seasons ago and is a BIG favourite with the Luis Sitjar faithful. Carlos or "Carlitos" as he's affectionately called has signed a contract for six seasons and the reported fee was 600 million pesetas or £3 million mas or menos. Coach Hector Cuper still wants another right-sided player but, that signing won't now happen until the Spanish transfer market window opens again in December. Last Thursday saw the deadline for signing players who will be eligible to play in the European Cup Winners Cup, and the transfer window in the Spanish league shuts this weekend. Plastic seats are being fitted at the ground in time for the first primera liga game against Espanyol on the 13th September. Unfortunately the seats are white (as that's all the suppliers had in stock) but it is intended to make the centre seating area red and black (the club colours). Only 1,500 will be allowed to stand behind each goal.

The introduction of these seats comes just after it was announced that ALL REAL MALLORCA's games in 98/99 season WILL BE PLAYED AT THE LUIS SITJAR. In other words the team won't be moving onto their new ground SON MOIX until roughly this time next year. Bonuses for the players have been agreed. The team will share out 150 million pesetas if they stay in the primera liga, 200 million if they qualify for a European competition, 400 million if they come second in the league, and, an unlikely event, 500 million if they win the league - dream on!! Real Mallorca's souvenir shop just inside the ground is two years old this week. The Palma club must have been the last team on planet Earth to realise what a money-spinning outlet selling club artifacts can be. Up until the "tienda" opened, anything to do with Real Mallorca was practically non-existent, a keyring here, a car sticker there. Now you can buy replica jerseys, scarves, sweatshirts, T shirts, pillows, beach towels and signed photographs of the players, plus booze with the club's emblem stuck on the bottle.

It's still a long way behind Real Mallorca and Barcelona whose paraphernalia flood big stores like El Corte Ingles, bit it's a start. In the UK things are slightly different. There used to be a time when a scarf and a rattle were all a football fan needed to show his or her allegiance. Perhaps a bobble hat, if you were really extravagant. These days dedicated supporters can buy just about anything emblazoned with their team's colours and badge. Having stirred in the morning your average Arsenal fanatic can climb out from beneath a red and white duvet plastered with the Gunners' logo, draw his Arsenal Curtains, exchange his Arsenal jimjams for Arsenal boxer shorts, before heading for work in a new range of smart Arsenal clobber. Ever since the country's big clubs got wise to the marketing potential of football in the late '80s fans have been bombarded with catalogues offering everything from babygrows to razors.

At Chelsea, where they've dropped their knickers from the latest brochure, you can now buy a garden gnome not only decorated in the traditional blue home kit but in the club's away strip as well. As the game prepared for the new millennium, traditional club shops are being replaced by upmarket megastores aimed at the more affluent and discerning punter. Arsenal have just offered their ticket-holders the chance to buy special medallions commemorating the Gunners' double success last season. The bronze, silver or gold-plated medal comes engraved with an action shot of Dutch star Dennis Bergkamp, or a picture of the FA cup which now has pride of place alongside the Premiership's trophy in the Highbury boardroom. The price of the gold plated version? A snip at £495 (not including post and packing). Chelsea's new catalogue (which costs £2 to get hold of in the first place) has tried to part from the tacky image of football gear. You can now get Chelsea bikes, frying pans, phones, golf club covers - nothing is left out. Fans already reeling from ever-increasing ticket prices are facing unbearable temptation. Earlier this month Manchester United, the club most pilloried for exploiting fans, unveiled their 15th kit change in seven years.

AND FINALLY, a blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about £50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch". A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You've finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porche, it's a Ferrari." PS: I see one of the words in the New Oxford Dictionary of English is "PHWOAH" - to express desire especially of a sexual nature!! 

ACCUSATIONS

Antoni Serra, former mayor and leader of the GIF independent group, who has been banned for six years from holding a political position owing to a court order (relating to the camping site case), has asked the other GIF councillors to abandon the council, leaving the PP party in the minority. Serra was annoyed because he had been asked to leave the town hall building by members of the local police, who were called in for this purpose by PP Councillor C?ndido Valladolid. The councillor had surprised Serra in the office of the council secretary, looking through documents and using the telephone. Apparently, the banished councillor is often seen inside the building, despite the court order after which he very reluctantly resigned - more than a year after the court sentence (he was mayor for nearly 30 years).

Serra took over the post of mayor from his father, who was mayor since 1936, in the late 1960s. He has been mayor of Formentera under coalitions with PP, PSOE and UD. In 1987, he left the Alianza Popular party (old PP party) and formed his own independent party - GIF. When Antoni Serra took over as mayor from his father, he had been acting mayor for some time previously, making many locals believe that the post of mayor was hereditary. Since then, his long term as mayor has been interrupted on two occasions only - recently deceased Toni Calafat was the first mayor under Spain's new democracy and a four year term when the PSOE held an overall majority - in all under six years. The crisis in the island's one and only municipality increased when, owing the disagreements between the two coalition parties, a fraud was revealed concerning the municipal water distribution system.

Apparently the council is losing millions of pesetas owing to its bad administration of the island's water, despite buying water at 250 pesetas per square metre for resale to the public at 350 pesetas. PP Councillor C?ndido Valladolid, who has recently taken over the administration of the island's water system, commented that the council was losing money because of a "general fraud which has to stop". Last December, Valladolid proposed that the water distribution system should be taken over by a private company, a proposal out-voted by the GIF party which went as far to say that it would take the matter to court if out-voted. However, the reasons behind this adamant refusal by the GIF to permit a private company to take over the management could be to hide, not only its own incompetence, but also the fraud allegedly perpetrated by a GIF councillor. Apparently, assistant mayor Bartomeu Cardona, also manages the company Insafor, which installed council water metres, without the contract being offered to public tender. However, once the metres were installed, they were not controlled by the council and were easily manipulated. Simply by turning them upside down, the counter dial went into reverse, subtracting instead of adding cubic metres. Apart from these irregularities, areas of the island not reached by the piped water system, had to buy water costing 905 pesetas per cubic metres. The company which almost monopolises this water tank transport service, is owned by the former mayor's cousin. At present, the PSOE party, which voted in favour of water being privately administered, benefits from the political split. If this continues until next year's municipal elections, the socialists have a good chance of winning the majority vote. 

The following day, 93 boats took the start in light winds for a long course of 27 miles for the racing boats and 18 miles for the cruising craft. The Bots and Llauts had an even shorter course of 10 miles, to Arenal and back to the Dique del Oeste. The wind slacked around three o'clock, but by 5.30pm, the Embat (a Mediterranean wind) came up and furnished the late-comers with a second chance. Even though last year's winner, MARIETTE, was the first boat across the line, DORADE from Italy beat her out for first place in the standings. VALSHEDA, a 1933 "J" class sloop, ran aground at the mark in Cala Gamba and retired from the race. Other boats who were placed in the top five were RINIMARA from Scotland, CAPRICIA of the Italian Navy, SAMURAI from Italy and former winner, SOLWAY MAID with Iain McCallister at the helm. FREELAND, a twin of the Josh Slocum ketch, sailed well enough to place second in its class. The second race is in progress at the time of this week's deadline. Check the results and on-the-water commentary in next week's column.